One day I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken

Traits of an Empath

2011-09-13T23:27:00.000-07:00

I have been told countless times over the years I am an Empath. But what did this mean, so I thought I would look it up :)

Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they're more inclined to point out another's positive attributes. They are highly expressive in all areas of emotional connection, and talk openly, and, at times, quite frankly in respect to themselves. They may have few problems talking about their feelings.

However, they can be the exact opposite: reclusive and apparently unresponsive at the best of times. They may even appear ignorant. Some are very good at blocking out others and that's not always a bad thing, at least for the learning empath struggling with a barrage of emotions from others, as well as their own feelings.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty, and will have grave difficulty in expressing themselves in the face of another's ignorance, closed-mindedness and obvious lack of compassion. They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see.

People of all walks of life and animals are attracted to the warmth and genuine compassion of empaths. Regardless of whether others are aware of one being empathic, people are drawn to them as a metal object is to a magnet! They are like beacons of light.

Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, and before they know it, they have poured out their hearts and souls without intending to do so consciously. It is as though on a sub-conscious level that person knows instinctively that empaths would listen with compassionate understanding.

Here are the listeners of life. Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one--if only for peace of mind.

Written by Christel Broederlow Copyright (c) 2002 Christel Broederlow Shortened Version from The Empath Report 101

PTSD

2011-09-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

Dealing with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not an easy thing, people often alienate you or misunderstand what is really going on. It is something you have no control over, a smell, an item of clothing, a sound, a person can trigger it and the feeling is horrifically overwhelming. For me I was a bushfire victim and suffer from child abuse from a complete asshole of a stepfather so someone that looks like him, sounds like him, shit even the name Steve triggers an episode where I relive those past experiences 23+ years later with very little control to stay in reality until it passes. Unfortunately people say I am taking things too personally and that the latest trigger is not Steve so what is the problem ... try telling my brain that. If only it was that easy. I know I may come across as a fruitloop but there is a reason for it, thus this little post.

Tomorrow

2011-08-30T19:35:00.000-07:00

Will you be there beside me

If the world falls apart

And will all of our moments

Remain in your heart

Will you be there to guide me

All the way through, I wonder will you

Walk by my side, and follow my dreams

And bear with my pride, as strong as it seems

Will you be there tomorrow

Will you be there beside me

As time goes on by

And be there to hold me

Whenever I cry

Will you be there to guide me

All the way through, I wonder will you

The all important commandment number 8

2011-07-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

Thou shalt make thy program's purpose and structure clear to thy fellow man by using the One True Brace Style, even if thou likest it not, for thy creativity is better used in solving problems than in creating beautiful new impediments to understanding.

These words, alas, have caused some uncertainty among the novices and the converts, who knoweth not the ancient wisdoms. The One True Brace Style referred to is that demonstrated in the writings of the First Prophets, Kernighan and Ritchie. Often and again it is criticized by the ignorant as hard to use, when in truth it is merely somewhat difficult to learn, and thereafter is wonderfully clear and obvious, if perhaps a bit sensitive to mistakes.

While thou might think that thine own ideas of brace style lead to clearer programs, thy successors will not thank thee for it, but rather shall revile thy works and curse thy name, and word of this might get to thy next employer. Many customs in this life persist because they ease friction and promote productivity as a result of universal agreement, and whether they are precisely the optimal choices is much less important. So it is with brace style.

As a lamentable side issue, there has been some unrest from the fanatics of the Pronoun Gestapo over the use of the word ``man'' in this Commandment, for they believe that great efforts and loud shouting devoted to the ritual purification of the language will somehow redound to the benefit of the downtrodden (whose real and grievous woes tendeth to get lost amidst all that thunder and fury). When preaching the gospel to the narrow of mind and short of temper, the word ``creature'' may be substituted as a suitable pseudoBiblical term free of the taint of Political Incorrectness.

Darkness

2011-04-09T05:39:00.000-07:00

i'm scared of swimming in the sea
dark shapes moving under me
every fear i swallow makes me small
inconsequential things occur
alarms are triggered
memories stir
it's not the way it has to be

i'm afraid of what i do not know
i hate being undermined
i'm afraid i can be devil man
and i'm scared to be divine
don't mess with me my fuse is short
beneath this skin these fragments caught

when i allow it to be
there's no control over me
i have my fears
but they do not have me

walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods
the deeper i go, the darker it gets
i peer through the window
knock at the door
and the monster i was
so afraid of
lies curled up on the floor
is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy

i cry until i laugh

i'm afraid of being mothered
with my balls shut in the pen
i'm afraid of loving women
and i'm scared of loving men
flashbacks coming in every night
don't tell me everything's alright

when i allow it to be
it has no control over me
i own my fear
so it doesn't own me

walking through the undergrowth, to the house in the woods
the deeper i go, the darker it gets
i peer through the window
knock at the door
and the monster i was
so afraid of
lies curled up on the floor
is curled up on the floor just like a baby boy

i cry until i laugh

Ever wish?

2011-04-01T17:33:00.000-07:00

It annoys, it sucks
It pains, it interrupts
Whatever you do, do not laugh

It drones, it grates
it animates, it agitates
Whatever you do, do not cry

It rants, it cries
It sings, it sighs
Whatever you do, do not talk

It mumbles, it wastes your time,
yes, it is that voice of mine
Ever wish that you could not speak?

Roller Derby

2011-03-31T05:41:00.001-07:00

Jill and I have just started Roller Derby and really love the environment and people in it. Doesn't seem to be any egotistical wankers, chest beating neanderthals that every other sport I have undertaken has. It truely is a relief, lets hope it stays this way.

We both feel out of our elements but damn we are gonna give it a good going at :)

No, Don't judge me, get to know me first

2011-02-22T16:57:00.000-08:00

It is exhausting meeting new people because unfortunately they immediately judge you before getting to know the real you. You are put in a box, condemned for being male, considered a geek because you write software and develop websites, not worth knowing because you are ugly, something wrong with you because you love rabbits, you are hard of hearing and are quite reserved because of it, hate mainstream sports, don't drink (well much), don't smoke, don't see the point in fast cars, don't consider every female you meet your next root or a piece of meat, the list goes on.

What is the real me and should I just bend over to society and become what I hate the most?

Yes sometimes it would be easier but I just can't do it. A soul is not to be destroyed or it is just not worth living. Instead I will continue to be able to cook, clean, sew, knit, listen, love, care. I refuse to be a womanizer, I will respect everyone who respects themselves, I respect women, I will remain to be practical and not materialistic, I will not consider myself better than anyone, I will continue to gauge success on a happy marriage, the friends I have and not the amount of money I make, the car I drive, the clothes I wear and the people I know. I will not choose to be racist or sexist, I love everyone for who they are, regardless of how they look, their sexual orientation, if they have a job or not. I will not change because you consider it unmanly. I will not beat around the bush, but I will sincerely apologise if I offend. I am who I am, not who you want me to be. I am Damo, the passionate, over caring, average looking, rabbit whisperering, tortured soul that is my existence. But I love it :)

Confused and Missunderstood

2011-02-19T05:29:00.000-08:00

A little poem i wrote sometime ago and have only just decided to share.

I feel myself spirally deeper, falling, darker, colder, alone.
Falling back to where I struggled to climb from many times before. please, not again
It's dark, numb but familiar
I feel a deep sorrow, an ache, like it will never end.
Is this what life is supposed to be?

I am surrounded by people
They 'say' they love me, that I am loved, will always be loved
But why can't I see it, feel it?
All I feel is alone and used.

I feel like I don't fit in
Like an accordion in a death metal band
I just don't belong
I lay there still, listening
I hear you say to one another
Why is he here? He just doesn't fit in

Why is my head filled with noise?
I can't breathe, think, focus. I am angry
You make me angry
I make me angry
The world makes me angry
Why am I angry?

Every now and then the sun peaks through
it's warming, inviting and for a moment gives me hope, but I know it will not last.

In memory of all the bunnies we couldn't save.

2011-01-31T22:22:00.000-08:00

I remember Easter Sunday
It was colorful and fun
The new life that I'd begun
In my new cage.

I was just a little thing
When they brought me from the store
And they put me on the floor
In my cage.

They would take me out to play
Love and pet me all the time
Then at day's end I would climb
In my cage.

But as days and weeks went by
I saw less of them it seemed
Of their loving touch I dreamed
In my cage.

In the night outside their house
I felt sad and so neglected
Often scared and unprotected
In my cage.

In the dry or rainy weather
Sometimes hotter sometimes colder
I just sat there growing older
In my cage.

The cat and dog raced by me
Playing with each other only
While I sat there feeling lonely
In my cage.

Upon the fresh green grass
Children skipped and laughed all day
I could only watch them play
From my cage.

They used to take me out
And let me scamper in the sun
I no longer get to run
In my cage.

Once a cute and cuddly bunny
Like a little ball of cotton
Now I'm grown up and forgotten
In my cage.

I don't know what went wrong
At the home I did inhabit
I just grew to be a rabbit
In my cage.

But they've brought me to the pound
I was once loved and enjoyed
Now I wait to be destroyed
In my cage.

Cleaning out the clutter

2010-08-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

Finally cleaning out all the clutter in my life, time to get rid of those who only use / contact you when they want something. Negative ppl are also gone. Life is too short, why not spend it with those who actually have a heart.

Poor bunny

2009-03-18T05:40:00.000-07:00

While unloading band gear for practice at Kenny's place today, I saw a rabbit hopping around the street. I watched it for a bit as it hopped down the side of a house. Shortly after setting up the rabbit reappeared I ducked outside to see if i could catch it to check it over to see if it was alright. As I approached it started to thumb as a warning of potential danger, I returned a thump in agreement (its a rabbit thing :) ). As I got close it climbed into the drain. Well long story we got him out and to my utter disgust he was skin and bone, you could feel every bone in his body little body and he wasn't putting up much of a fight.

We located a box and gave him some food and water of which he promptly gobbled up. After practice I bought him home to hopefully rehabilitate him to a healthy rabbit. I will take him to the vets tomorrow to get him checked over. Hopefully he will be ok. I am worried sick about the poor thing, lets see how he goes over the next few days.

Lets just hope I never find the fuckers that neglected him.

Bunna is happy

2009-01-01T03:55:00.001-08:00

finally finished bunna's new apartment, all 7 levels of it :)